DeeTales

Broken Melody

2009-11-29T04:42:00.007+08:00

~Charles~

It was early afternoon, and Charles should have been napping at home instead of yawning while standing around in their school's soccer field. But they needed to be here during their free time to start practicing for their English class requirement. His eyes flicked over his blockmates' faces. They were clustered in a circle around a dirty tile table, gazing with rapt attention at Ronnie, who was acting as the class leader.

"So… any ideas?" Ronnie was asking them now. When no one spoke up, he singled out Honey, who was squatting on the ground and pulling on the grass with her hands, adding to the layer of freshly cut grass. "Didn’t your class win choral recitations back in high school? Maybe you can share some pointers."

"Um… we can pull out some lines from the middle of the piece and recite them at the beginning, as our introduction," she suggested, brushing the grass off her palms. "We could also get someone to sing a patriotic song at one point, as background music while the rest of us recite. That someone being Melody, of course." Everyone's heads turned to look from her face to another one that looked like hers a few feet away.

Honey and Melody were two of a set. They shared identical looks along with their triplet Aphrodite, who was currently studying in another city. They even had the same taste in clothes - big t-shirts and formless jeans in an effort to hide their weight. Charles, who was new to their block, was glad they had decided to have different hairstyles, or else he would have difficulty in telling them apart. Honey sported a boycut while Melody wore her long hair in a ponytail. Aside from that, there was pretty much nothing else that differentiated them from each other, as far as Charles was concerned at that point anyway.

"I think that's a good idea," Ronnie acknowledged. "Why don't you sing a few lines, Melody? So that the others here who haven't heard you sing yet can appreciate the effect."

Melody obliged the request and broke into song. It was the most beautiful voice he had ever heard, Charles thought in wonderment.

~Honey~

Honey was so proud of her triplet’s voice that she liked to look at people’s reactions whenever she opened her mouth. Today, while everyone watched her sister sing, she looked at everyone. Nobody else saw what she saw – that starstruck glazed look in Charles’s eyes. And nobody saw what came next - the look of mischief that crept into hers.

After everyone had agreed that singing would be a good gimmick, they recited the entire piece out loud one time before going for a water and bladder break.

“Wanna sit over there?” Honey asked then walked towards a huge Acacia tree to sit on one of the roots that jutted out of the ground. Her gang followed suit, and so did Charles. She did her best to hide a smile.

“Melody, can I borrow our cellphone please?” she requested in a voice deliberately loud enough for Charles to hear. Her ever nice sister did not even suspect a thing and just handed over the Nokia cellphone that the two of them shared. Honey made sure to hold the cellphone in such a way that Charles couldn’t possibly miss it. She was successful.

“Oh, you have a cellphone too,” Charles observed with a smile. He took out his, which was also a Nokia. “Welcome to the club.” These things were slowly beginning to gain popularity, and everyone who could afford one now had one. Honey only had half of one, she thought ruefully. But it was better than nothing. And even better than that, she could use it as a bait to hook a certain fish.

“Actually it’s half mine, half Melody’s,” she explained to her new classmate. At the beginning of the semester, she had hated their dean for breaking up their freshman block and reassigning those with the highest Accounting grades to this block, section A, but now she thought maybe it would all work out for the best after all.

“You share one cellphone?” Charles asked quizzically.

“Yes. Our parents can’t afford to buy one for each of us. Our triplet Aphrodite has her own because she needs it, being far away in Davao, but Mel and I share this 5110,” Honey explained, gesturing to the purple-encased phone in her hands. “We have different sim cards, though. I get the cell during the day, Mel gets it at night. You wanna get our numbers?”

“Yes, please,” Charles said eagerly.

“Can you give it to him please, Mel? I just badly need to pee,” Honey lied, tossing the cellphone to her sister and standing up to head across the back field to the college building toilet. When she heard Melody rattling off her digits, she knew even without looking back what expression Charles was wearing on his face. She grinned and praised herself for being such a good schemer. If her plan worked, she would land her dear sister a boyfriend before the semester ended.

~Melody~

“Ma’am Sogono is so boring. I wish it’s Accounting class instead.” Honey scribbled on a page of her binder, unsnapped the binder rings to slide out the paper and passed it to her seatmate Raven.

“I hate Accounting. My arms are sore from carrying that damn 2000-page book.” Raven penned below Honey’s words, then pushed the paper to Melody on her right.

“I think Honey likes Accounting class because of the teacher, not the subject.” was Melody’s input. She discreetly slid the page to Jewel.

“I so agree with Honey. Sir Jonathan is so so cute!” Jewel gushed in her teeny tiny handwriting before handing the slip to the last person on their row, Gem.

“What time will you be in the library this afternoon? I need to study for our short quiz on fixed assets tomorrow,” was Gem’s worried scribble. She passed the paper back down the row through Jewel.

“Charles lo-oves Melody!” Jenna sing-songed from the back of the room, interrupting Jewel, who was about to reply to Gem. Their entire row of heads turned to look towards the back, where both Jenna and Charles were seated. The entire class, including their teacher, erupted in cheers and catcalls.

Honey turned to look at Melody, ready to tease her sister, but she held her tongue when she saw that Melody was blushing.

Melody was grateful to her triplet for being intuitive like that. She wondered how deep her intuition went, though. Could she sense, for example, that this blush was not just from embarrassment but also from hiding a secret?

She liked Charles. She had liked him from the first day of the semester, when he had stood up to introduce himself, at their teacher’s instruction. It wasn’t just a crush. That was why she did not tell any of her friends about it.

Then she remembered last night and wondered if it was time to tell her sister and their gang. It had started with a forwardable text message from Charles. She had reciprocated with one of her own, and he had responded with another one, and so on until they had both run out of forwardable text messages and he finally texted a conversational one. Then he had asked for her landline number and they had chatted till midnight. It seemed like such a coincidence that he picked that night to call, when Honey wasn’t hogging the phone line like she normally did because she was asleep early due to a killer headache.

Last night’s and this morning’s events obviously meant he liked her as well. Didn’t it?

~Honey~

“I’m officially appalled that you only told us about this now!” Honey screeched. Melody darted a nervous glance towards the tile table at the edge of the field, where Charles and the rest of their classmates were gathered. They were well out of hearing range of their group, so she need not have worried. It was a week later and they were once again converging to practice their choral speech. During their break, the gang had decided to sit in the middle of the back field so that Melody could share her story in private, which had definitely been a good idea.

“But Charles has a – “ Jewel was about to say something but everyone hushed her up when they saw that the subject of their conversation was walking towards them.

“Hi girls, can I join you?” he asked, indicating their circle on the grass. When they nodded, he dropped to the ground.

“So Charles, how do you find being in our class so far?” Raven asked in an innocent voice. “Have you made friends aside from Jewel?” Charles and Jewel had been high school classmates.

“Yeah. It’s great. Everyone’s so friendly so it hasn’t been hard to fit in. I like all our classmates,” he replied with a smile.

“Uh-huh. Some people more so than others, I’ll bet,” Gem said sweetly. She grimaced when Melody nudged her sharply in the ribs.

“You’re nice, too, that’s why everyone’s nice to you,” Honey told him. “Like, you’re gonna lend me your 3210 right?” Everyone laughed. “I’m serious, though. I just wanna try playing Snake on it. I heard that its keypad is really soft compared to 5110’s so its easier to play on it and I was just curious.”

“The rumor is right,” Charles affirmed as he handed his phone to her.

“Thanks! Ooh – I brought a Song Hits mag. Maybe you want to sing, guys, go ahead,” Honey said, pulling out the magazine of song lyrics and chords out of her bag and handing it to Charles. “Since you’re our ‘guest’ Charles, why don’t you pick a song? Melody will sing it for you.”

While Charles riffled through the pages, Honey expertly clicked through his phone. “Can you sing ‘Fallin’? I love this song,” he asked Melody, who obliged.

“I’m afraid to fly and I don’t know why,” she began, her voice enough music to the ears. Though they were triplets, only Melody had pursued an interest in music and taken all the lessons that had honed her talent while her two sisters could barely sing in tune. Honey always said that they had grown up and embodied their names. Melody had her gift of song. Aphrodite was a true “goddess of love and beauty” - the only one among the three who wore girly clothes and makeup and was so good at flirting, she had a string of boyfriends whereas her sisters were NBSB (no boyfriend since birth). And Honey had friends by the dozens because of her sweet nature – a person who passed out handmade cards to all her friends and classmates on birthdays, Christmases, Valentines and friendship anniversaries. A person who would do anything to make a loved one happy – even if it involved scheming and plotting and pulling strings.

By the time Melody got to the chorus part, their leader Ronnie was calling them back to the tile table to resume practice. So they stood up and shook their clothes to get rid of grass residue that might have clung to them.

Honey handed Charles back his cellphone and thanked him. “Did you like playing Snake on it?” he asked her as they walked across the field.

“Yes,” she lied, for the second time to him that day. Firstly, it wasn’t her first time to use a 3210 and hadn’t needed to borrow it to know what it was like. Secondly, she hadn’t played Snake at all. Instead, she had sent a message to Melody’s number, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to read it till tonight when it was her turn to use their cellphone. She smiled in exhilaration, the TV show Alias’s theme song playing in her mind. So this must be how Sidney Bristow felt after a successful mission.

~Melody~

Melody slid her sim card into its proper slot in the cellphone, then replaced the battery and the back case before pushing the power button. The phone came alive with a cacophony of beeps to indicate a surge of incoming messages, typical if you keep your phone – or in this case, sim card – off for several hours. She scrolled through them one by one - the usual promo announcement from Globe, a question regarding an Accounting assignment from her classmate Dexter, a dozen or so forwardable texts from random friends, the daily “How’s the most beautiful girl in Zamboanga City?” from Aphrodite who was also praising herself with said statement because they looked identical, and a single text message from Charles. She clicked his message open. She didn’t know what she had expected to read but it definitely wasn’t this – “I love you.”

She was a bit shocked, but strangely pleased even though she knew that she shouldn’t be. Not after what she had learned from Jewel during activity hour. Activity hour was from 4:30 to 5:30 pm, a school-imposed break every MWF when no classes are scheduled and everyone is free. Orgs could take advantage of this time to schedule meetings for their members knowing that none of them would have conflicting class schedules. That was exactly where Honey had been that afternoon – in a meeting for one of her numerous orgs, while the rest of the gang gathered in the cafeteria to eat siopao, rebosao and isaw. Jewel had chosen that moment to break the news that Charles had a girlfriend – his high school sweetheart Kara.

If Charles had a girlfriend, why was he texting this to her? Melody sat and pondered how best to reply. She typed and backspaced and edited several times before finally managing to press the send button. Barely a minute later, their landline phone rang. She rushed to snatch it off the hook.

“What did I mean by what?” Charles asked after her ‘hello.’

“Your text message,” she replied, walking into her bedroom with the wireless phone.

“What text message?” Charles asked in a confused voice.

“Oh you know, the one you texted me today,” Melody replied in a voice as low as possible so as not to be overheard by anyone else in the house. Luckily, Honey was busy watching her favorite TV show Charmed in the living room.

“I did not text you today. I was just going to, actually, then I got this text from you.”

“But this came from your number – 09172250491.”

“I swear, I did not send that.”

“If you didn’t, who did?” Melody asked indignantly. The bewilderment in Charles’s voice made it obvious that he was telling the truth. Someone had pulled a prank on them.

“What does it say?”

Melody felt herself blushing as she said the words, but she needed to. “It says ‘I love you.’”

Charles was a silent for a moment before replying: “I honestly have no idea who sent that message, but whoever he is, I want to thank him, because that’s exactly want I wanted to say. He beat me to it.”

~Charles~

“Why was your phone busy? Why haven’t you called me?” Kara whined when Charles answered the phone. It had been barely a couple of minutes since he had ended his hours-long conversation with Melody. He wondered how many times she had hit the redial button and for how long.

“Dad was using the phone,” he lied, looking impatiently at his watch. It was past 9pm and he still hadn’t started on his Accounting homework. And wasn’t there a quiz tomorrow? He forgot for which subject. He had to ask someone from class. Andy. Or Melody.

“I called and texted you in your cellphone as well,” she said huffily.

“Sorry, it was on silent mode,” at least this much was true. He picked up his phone from where he had neglected it at the foot of his bed and saw that there were 10 missed calls and a capslocked “WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING THE PHONE?” message from Kara. Great.

Since he was using his cellphone anyway, he decided to take the opportunity to shoot off a quick “w/c subj do we hv a qz on 2m? hv u fnshd d acctg asynmnt yet? sori 4 d bothr.” to Melody.

“After this afternoon, Charles, I can’t believe you’d do this,” Kara said venomously.

“I already explained this afternoon that I couldn’t hang out with you and your classmates over activity hour because I needed to run an errand for my dad,” he said wearily. Kara had become so demanding lately. Had she always been like this? He tried to remember what she had been like, and what he had liked about her in the first place. It wasn’t her looks or her body or her brains, which were all pretty average. But she had been his seatmate then and their entire class had started teasing them to each other and the next thing he knew, he had developed a crush on her, pursued her, and became her boyfriend. That had been three years ago, and he couldn’t remember when she had morphed from sweet girlfriend to tiresome nag.

“That’s what you keep saying. You’re always off on your dad or mom or sister’s errands. You never have any time for me,” she complained bitterly. How many times had he heard this rant?

Just then, his cellphone lit up with “1 message received.” It was Melody’s response – “econ, qz on chptr 3. nt thru wd asynmnt yet, bt our gang wl mit @ gem’s bordng hous 2 ansr 2m.”

He smiled while typing his reply: “cn i join u?”

“Charles! Are you there?” Kara asked, bringing him back to the present. He sighed and knew that even if he wouldn’t be able to finish any of his school work tonight, he’d at least need to finish something else.

“Kara, we need to talk,” he said in a somber voice.

~Melody~

“Guys, one last performance from the top then let’s call it a night,” Ronnie yelled to get heard over the din. It was nearly 10pm on a school night but the contest was the next day and they didn’t have enough time to practice during the days. Their classmate Tina had offered her house’s roomy living room for this purpose.

Everyone scattered around the living room and bowed their heads. “Whoever knows not how to love their native tongue is worse than any beast or evil smelling fish,” they intoned in a low voice, repeating the lines two more times, each utterance louder and more forceful than the last, all the while walking into a block position in the middle of the presumed stage then freezing in place. On cue, they all snapped their heads up together to stare at the presumed audience and shout the title: “To my fellow children.”

It was a perfect performance, and the spell remained, down to their very last line in their last position, a boat formation: “Like bancas in the stormy sea, long years ago.” Then they scattered the same way they had entered, but in complete silence. Ronnie broke the spell by breaking into applause, to which everyone followed suit.

“That was very impressive,” he said happily. “Please don’t forget to wear black shirts and pants for tomorrow, and bring your malong cloth and tubao,” he instructed, before dismissing them.

Melody followed Charles outside to where his motorcycle was parked. He had volunteered to bring her home during all these late night practices. Honey walked past with Ronnie, Raven and Gem. The four of them had been sharing a cab ride home. Honey grinned when she saw Melody seat herself on the back of Charles’s motorcycle and started to sing, “Now I know that we can have it all forever.” Charles laughed.

A couple of weeks ago, when Melody had first got on Charles’s motorcycle, Honey had commented that they looked so sweet, like the couple Aga and Mikee from the movie Forever. She had then imposed that movie’s soundtrack as their theme song and the deal was sealed even more when one afternoon, while Charles, Melody, and her friends were studying for a major Accounting exam, Honey sang the first line of the song and one by one, they all contributed to singing the next lines of the song.

This has also been the same day that Jewel had gossiped about how Charles had broken up with Kara right before Charles showed up in their study place and tossed a single white rose at Melody. Not exactly the most romantic way to present a flower, but it was a sweet and lovely gift nonetheless.

Being courted by Charles was more wonderful than she had imagined it would be. Oh she had crushes and some guys had approached her before, too, but this had been the first time that the two occasions had met, when the feeling had been mutual for both parties concerned.

The only damper on the situation was the ex girlfriend and her allies, who threw dagger looks and dropped spiteful “boyfriend stealer” comments meant for her to “overhear” whenever she crossed their paths in the locker room. But she tried not to let them affect her too much, knowing that their accusations were unfounded. She hadn’t stolen Charles, not purposely. She wasn’t some wily witch who seduced him away from his girl. He had chosen her out of his own accord. They just had to deal with that, because she had no plans of turning him away.

~Charles~

Charles carefully navigated his motorcycle around the bend in the road, his body leaning along with it. He felt Melody’s arms wrapped around his middle and he waited for the familiar jolt of electricity to run through his body. It didn’t come.

It had been a month since Melody had agreed to be his girlfriend. Since Honey had cornered them, accusingly asking, “You’re officially a couple already, aren’t you?” It had been during sem break, when the class had decided to head over to La Vista beach resort and have an impromptu picnic as a celebration of sorts – placing in the top 3 of the choral speech competition, being done with the grueling finals, passing all the subjects of the first semester, and their very own Ronnie was at the top of the dean’s list.

“Yes,” Melody had admitted with a rueful smile. “But how did you know?”

“Duh, I’m your triplet. And it’s the way you’ve been serving food to Charles. It’s such a girlfriendy thing to do,” Honey had explained. “I’m so happy for you both!”

Charles had been happy then too. Melody was indeed a sweet girlfriend. But last week, when he had gone on his church’s activity for singles, he had run into Kara. Their friends had teased them, and some feelings had come rushing back. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of her ever since, and he realized how much he missed her. Maybe he had been too hasty when he broke things off with her to pursue the girl with the beautiful voice.

He turned off his motorcycle’s engine and deposited Melody at her doorstep. He took off his helmet and sunglasses and looked into her eyes. He hated to do this to her, but he needed to. “Melody, we need to talk.”

~Honey~

Honey watched as her sister re-entered the classroom from a visit to the toilet and marveled at her composure. There was no hint of redness or puffiness in her eyes, no trace that she had actually been crying instead of taking a bladder break. She could have fooled everybody, but Honey knew better. Melody had confessed to having weeping fits all throughout the day. It couldn’t possibly be easy to see the cause of your heartbreak every day, every hour, at such close proximity.

Honey shifted her gaze to the culprit who was seated across the room. Seeing his indifferent face sent her blood boiling, and she remembered the long letter she had penned and given to him yesterday. Her last lines had been a lie. “I am not mad at you, Charles. Just bitterly disappointed.” She was very mad, of course. How dare he hurt her sister! She was also mad at herself because she felt partly responsible for what had happened. She had been the one who started it, after all. Charles had called her after that. He was surprised, saying he hadn’t realized that he had hurt Melody that much. Honey had stared at the receiver in utter amazement at how incredibly clueless and stupid men could be.

When the teacher dismissed their class in time for activity hour, Honey swept the contents of her desk into her bag and grabbed Melody’s hand. “Come on sis, let’s have satti at Green Valley. My treat.”

“I’m not really in the mood to eat,” Melody sighed as she grabbed her books and slid them against the crook of her elbow. Satti was a favorite of hers and for her to turn down the chance to eat it was a cause for concern.

“I’m sorry,” Honey said, not knowing what to say.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I still feel responsible, somehow. I want to do something.”

“Telling him off with that letter is more than enough, believe me,” Melody said wanly.

“He’s a jerk who doesn’t know what he lost. You have many other admirers, many other guys who love you. You have so many fans, you know.”

Melody gazed sorrowfully at her sister. “They love my voice. Not me.”

~Nine Years Later~

“Mel, hurry up, we’re gonna be late,” Honey called out from her bedroom.

“Be there in a sec,” Melody yelled back. She squirted some leave on conditioner onto her palms and squeezed her digitally permed hair with them. Then she took a step back and carefully assessed her face in the mirror – perfectly groomed brows, smoky eye makeup, curled and coated lashes, shiny pink lips, radiant smooth skin. She stood up and walked over to the full length mirror behind her door to take a good look at her outfit – a yellow and white floral-designed spaghetti-strapped tank top, black denim skirt and black stiletto sandals looked just right on her 115-pound frame. She grabbed a pair of large hoop earrings and waltzed out the door to meet her sister who was also made up and wearing a purple halter-necked dress.

Minutes later, they were surrounded with their college classmates and Honey was handing out “Balance $heet” newsletters to them. “Ten Years of Friendship” screamed the headline. This was their college block Christmas reunion and Honey had created the newsletters in commemoration of this tenth Christmas she had spent having them as her friends. They had reserved a room in Patio Palmeras for the occasion and everyone who was home for the holidays – from the Zamboanga-based to those who had come home from London, Thailand, Singapore and Makati – were now enjoying calamares and bangus and looking forward to knickerbocker glory for dessert while trading stories with people they hadn’t seen in a long while.

Charles was seated beside Andy, who had brought along his fiancé. They were seated across Melody, so Andy introduced them. “Krista, this is Melody, the owner of the ice cream chain around Zamboanga as well as that boutique in Mindpro.” Melody smiled at Krista and asked about her and Andy and eventually came to Charles.

“I’m an officer of Metrobank now,” he replied, mesmerized. She was a far cry from that chubby girl who wore T shirts and pants and had her hair in a ponytail. This girl had been his girlfriend, he remembered. Why had he let her go again? It was so long ago, he couldn’t recall. But maybe it wasn’t too late.

Just as he opened his mouth to ask for her number, Honey announced Melody’s name over the microphone. “And now my beloved sister will entertain us with a Christmas song.” Melody walked in front and took the microphone as the opening strains of “Grownup Christmas List” floated from the speakers. When she opened her mouth to sing, Charles was blown away. The voice of an angel. He had forgotten about that.

“And time would heal all hearts,” Melody sang, her gaze flickering over Charles. He was looking at her in admiration, the same look he had on his face on that day he had first heard her sing. Time had healed her heart indeed, she thought. She didn’t feel any pain, or any emotion at all, when she looked at him now.

Honey watched this exchange with a look of amusement on her face. She wasn’t at all surprised when after dinner, Charles approached Melody as she sat talking to the old gang and asked. “Can I join you?”

“Sure, but we’re leaving in a minute,” Melody replied.

“Can I bring you home?” he asked.

“In your motorcycle?” she replied with a laugh.

“No, it’s a car now,” he explained.

“Thanks, but we have a car.”

“Can we meet again, and you know, just talk?” he asked.

She hated to do this to him, but she needed to. “Charles, we don’t need to talk.” She smiled, then stood up to link arms with her sister, leaving him staring at her.

-----

Written in November 2009 as a birthday gift for my friend Maya, on whom Melody's character is based on.

Meaning Moments

2009-10-30T01:27:00.441+08:00

Today, something shocking happened. I discovered that there was such a thing as a gentleman in Singapore. Don't blame me for that statement. In the Philippines, when you ride the train, it goes without saying that men will not take a seat if there is a lady standing. In all the months that I had spent riding the trains and buses here, young and able-bodied men raced to take the seats before me. I had therefore assumed that the entire country was devoid of chivalry. Until today.

It was a normal day in my new office, where I was barely a month old, and I gave a little sigh of frustration when I realized that to resolve an issue, I needed to get a binder from one of the cabinets. How manual can you get? As it was located up high, I had to grab one of the neon-colored plastic chairs from the pantry and stand up on it so that I could get at the binder.

Just then, my colleague Nino saw what I was doing, and scolded me. "The chair could be rickety and you can fall down, you know." I just laughed and said that I was okay, really. Then I took the binder to my area and did what needed to be done with it. When I went back to the cabinet to return it, he saw me approaching and immediately rose and took the binder from me and returned it to its place so that I did not have to “put myself in danger.”

I was still in a state of semi-disbelief and amazement when I told my friends about this little incident over lunch at our favorite Italian place. We liked going there because the food was tasty authentic Italian fare and the service was good, maybe even too good. There was one particular waiter who was always over-eager when he served us, acting as though there was a customer service exam that he had to ace. On our first visit, he had insisted on changing our plates after each course even though we said he didn't need to, explaining that, "This is not a fast food restaurant."

"Wow. Maybe he likes you!" Sophie speculated through her last mouthful of Margherita pizza. She was talking about Nino, not the waiter.

"Nah, he's probably just that way. Nice and friendly," I replied dismissively. "Besides, he's not the only nice one. Scott saved me from another issue this morning, too." Scott was the guy who handled my current role before, the one who was transitioning it to me. "It was quite funny, actually. When I first mentioned the issue to him, he told me to ask William about the resolution because William was the 'superman of AP.' I told him, 'You mean that title doesn't belong to you?' Then when Scott actually resolved the issue, I emailed him, 'Thanks Batman.' So now that's what I call him."

"OMG! You said that? And who are you, Catwoman?" Jane shrieked. The waiter chose that moment to cart off our empty plates and ask if we wanted him to serve the dessert that came with our executive set meal orders. We all nodded, biting back our grins.

"You have so many boys, Lily!" Andrea commented, shaking her head in awe. She was talking about Nino and Scott, still not the waiter.

"No, you don't understand, we're just being friendly," I protested. But as I dug into my panna cotta and proclaimed it delicious, I wondered if they had a point but kept that thought to myself.

@};--

A few days later, Nino was sitting at the table beside me as we worked out an issue that had cropped up. I was handling Accounts Payable while he was from Treasury. We constantly had to work together because he supplied the cash for the payments. For this week, though, he noticed that our due payments were a lot more inflated than usual and we were analyzing why. I finally figured out the root cause of the problem and explained how we were going to fix it. Just then, one of our guy office colleagues walked past, and Nino pointed to me and said, “she’s making me lose sleep!” Then he looked at me, laughed and said, “Kidding.” I know he meant our issue but could it have been a double entendre?

I was still mulling over what had happened when I got an email from HR. It was an announcement of all the August birthday celebrants. Scott's name was on the list.

Lily:
Aha! When is your birthday?
Scott:
Same as Malaysia National Day. The whole country is celebrating this VIP.
Lily:
August 31. Month end! Tsktsktsk.
Scott:
Yeah. Luckily I am not the journal folk in AP operations, else it will always be sad birthdays. "What's your plan for birthday?" "Submitting last minute journals.”
Lily:
Hahahaha. So how old will you be? Or is that a big secret?
Scott:
Nothing secret. I will be.. let's see.. 27.
Lily:
Wow, that means you're exactly seven days older than me!
Scott:
Seriously?
Lily:
Yes! Maybe our horoscope says: "The Virgos born in this year are destined to work for Accounts Payable."
Scott:
Hahahaha.

What an amazing coincidence huh? Or is it just a coincidence? Once again I told the girls about this over my second plateful of buffet lunch at a Filipino restaurant in Lucky Plaza. I was so happy that for 10 bucks, we could have unlimited helpings of delicious adobo, crispy pata, and my favorite kilawing tanguige, among ten other dishes laid out at a long table. Water, coffee, too sweet iced tea and fruit cocktail for dessert was also available at an adjacent table.

"I never knew that Scott knew how to joke. He's always so serious and silent whenever I see him," said Sophie, who was in the same department with me and had worked with him longer than I had. "He's only like this with you. OMG he likes you!"

"Seriously guys, he is just reciprocating my sense of humor," I protested amidst their squeals of delight. “Anyway, he's been so nice to me that I'm thinking of giving him a gift for his birthday. What do you think is a good gift for a guy?”

“Are you sure you want to do that? He might misinterpret it to mean that you like him,” Andrea said, pointing with the fork she had just used to spear a black squid. “Unless you do and that's what you want.”

“No and no,” I said, popping the nth morsel of kilawin into my mouth. “But I still want to do something to show my gratitude, regardless.”

“Why not give him some figurines of Batman and Catwoman?” Jane suggested laughingly. “Just don't be surprised if he suddenly tendered his resignation stating 'fear of crazed stalker' as his reason for leaving.”

We all laughed at that, then I made the mistake of telling them about Nino's comment, which resulted to more squeals. I was inundated with "You make him lose sleep!" wisecracks all the way back to the office.

When I got back to my workstation, I had an instant message from Nino. He had questions about our issue again. I replied as best as I could when suddenly he said:

Nino:
Do you like Tony Roma’s?

My heart stopped for a split second. Was he going to ask me out?

Lily:
Yeah.

After I typed my reply, I waited with bated breath for his.

Nino:
Lemme forward a coupon to you. You, Sophie and Jane.
Lily:
Wow thanks!
Nino:
3 mouseketeers.
Lily:
Hahahaha. You actually have a name for us??

I don't know why I was disappointed. I mean, I don't like him, do I? Anyway, the reason why he only referred to Sophie and Jane was because only those two were our office colleagues. He didn't know Andrea, who worked for a different company in the same building. We went on to discuss other matters. When he said something funny about Scott, I couldn't resist telling on him.

Lily:
I didn’t know that you were this company’s Brad Pitt.
Scott:
Huh?
Lily:
According to Nino.
Scott:
What did he say?
Lily:
Nino: Time to send sexy guys like Scott to the boss.
Lily: Sexy Scotty. Hmmm… has a nice ring to it
Nino: Yes exactly. He's the Brad Pitt of this company.
Scott:
Take it with a pinch of salt. We talk rubbish to each other to see which one of us drop into the rubbish bin first.
Lily:
Hahaha. Okay, noted. Do not believe everything that Nino says.
Scott:
Yeah, he hates me. And he is depressing me. But we still bug each other.
Lily:
He hates you?
Scott:
Yeah, he always walks to me and says he hates me.
Lily:
Well so far he hasn’t told me he hates me. He just told someone that I am making him lose sleep because of the payment issues.
Scott:
Ahh, seems like he has found new target to channel his hate.
Lily:
I guess treasury and AP are meant to hate each other. It’s their destiny.

But a saying goes, "the more you hate, the more you love." Is it applicable to this situation? I'm talking about Nino and me. Not Nino and Scott.

@};--

A weekend had passed and this morning, Nino stood beside my area and said “Good morning, I need the cash flow,” with a smile. A smile? This was weird because the cash flow was due last Friday and normally he would have been on my case about being late. Was it my perception that changed or had he really changed the way he dealt with me?

A couple of hours later, I was done with the cash flow and we were discussing it on chat.

Nino:
Take care of signage.
Lily:
Hold on.. in the amount below, should it be negative as well?
Nino:
Of course my dear. Outgoing payment.

My dear. He called me "my dear."

This was what we called a "meaning moment," a moment you have with someone that seems to mean that this someone likes you. Or at least, that's the meaning you would like to put into it.

I had to tell Sophie about this. Nino was the one who transitioned her role to her and she knew him better than I did.

Lily:
Is he really like that?
Sophie:
OMG. This is it!
Lily:
Maybe he's also like that with you
Sophie:
He's definitely not like that with me! Only with you, I swear!

A girl can dream, right?

@};--

Sophie and I didn't have lunch with Jane and Andrea that day because our floor in the office had lunch to send off Elana, who had recently resigned. We had a buffet lunch at a hotel and I had my fill of steamed crabs and conversations with people I had never talked to before. I was surprised to see how quiet Scott was at lunch. I knew him as a wise-cracking guy whom I always exchanged jokes with, not this shy person who did not say much. Now I knew where Sophie was coming from when she said he was only like that with me.

On our way home, we started wondering why none of the Treasury guys had joined us. “Maybe Treasury doesn't like you,” we teased Mitch, who had organized the whole thing.

Mitch pretended to look hurt and said, “So Treasury doesn't like Tax,” referring to his role. “Or maybe Treasury doesn’t like Indirects,” he surmised, referring to the role of Elana, whose send off party this was.

“Treasury doesn’t like a lot of people then. Maybe treasury does not like me too,” I put in.

Elana smiled and shook her head, saying, “No, I think he likes you a lot.”

@};--

Later that night, I grabbed a quick bite – three pieces of siew mai – from the local coffee shop. While skipping meals caused ulcers for some people, it caused migraine for me.

On my way inside the office, I ran into Nino at the door. “Stop smoking,” he told me out of nowhere. “It's seriously bad for your health.”

“I don't!” I said in incredulity. He looked as if he didn't believe me. What was up with him anyway? Since when was he concerned? Because if he really was, he ought to say those things to Sophie and Jane. Or perhaps he knew that they did and assumed that I did, too. A “tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are” kind of thing.

He walked in and went round to everyone’s workstation to offer Famous Amos cookies. While other people, like my seatmate William, did this sort of thing all the time, this was the first time that I had seen Nino do so. When he got to me, he asked me to grab a big handful, which I did. I thanked him and added, “I don't smoke!”

Just then, Scott passed by and talked to him in their local language. As Nino turned to leave, he told me, “Scott wants to ask you to a movie.”

I chuckled, knowing that this was a joke, and playfully turned to Scott, who was wearing the expression of someone who had just been pranked, and asked him, “Why don’t you ask me directly? Why do you have to go through Nino?”

Scott smiled and said, “I think that’s Nino's roundabout way of asking you out.”

Is there a roundabout way of saying yes?

@};--

Later that night, I was already at home when I got a text message from Sophie. She said that Nino had given her the last of the cookies and she had declined but he had said “share with Lily, I know she likes these too.” Then I remembered how the day before, I had gotten so excited talking about Royce chocolates to our colleague Latika, and he was laughing at my reaction and I had explained that I loved sweets. Sweets, just like him.

@};--

It's the next day. This morning when I got to the office, I saw Nino climbing out of a cab. We went up in the same elevator. What a great way to start the day. He kept on teasing me to Scott and about smoking. I kept on denying both allegations.

“Everyone knows that when a guy teases you to another guy, it means he likes you,” was Andrea's take on the story during lunch. Jane had brought us to a Ramen Restaurant which supposedly served the tastiest tasty egg she had ever tasted.

“Andrea's right. He obviously likes you,” Sophie agreed. “He has changed lately. He's now a happier and friendlier person. He used to just talk to his guy friends and only acknowledge me depending on my mood. But now it’s like, he has this I-don’t-care-what-your-mood-is-as-long-as-I’m-happy-I’ll-say-hello glow about him.” She slurped some broth off her spoon. “And it’s all because of you.”

“I don't think we should be so hasty to jump to that conclusion,” I argued, chewing on a piece of egg. Jane was right about the egg. It was very sumptuous, and so was the broth and the meat.

“OMG! You'll have a lovelife with Nino. Or Scott. You have so many boys!” Jane said through a forkful of noodles. “Damn! I've been in the company for one whole year and you beat me to that!”

“Don't be silly, nothing's even happening yet for it to be called a love life!” I protested with a laugh. I was so busy talking that I had barely touched my food. Meanwhile, Andrea, who usually ate the least food, had eaten the most ramen.

“That's already considered as one! It's the recession now!” Jane cackled.

The first thing I did when I got back to my desk was send off my email greeting to the birthday boy, Scott.

The Philippines is celebrating National Heroes Day today.
I’m celebrating along with them because it’s my hero’s birthday today.
Happy Birthday Batman!
Just wanted to say thanks for being a good.. err.. mentor.
For being patient and accommodating and nice,
and for coming to my rescue on all sorts of odds and ends,
especially when fires needed to be put out.
You’ve truly been a hero.
I couldn’t have asked for a better mentor.
Or a better friend.
The world is a better place because of people like you,
And that is why the anniversary of the day you are born
Is as much our celebration as yours.
Enjoy your day.

Minutes later, I got a response.

Thanks for all the kind words. I am not sure I deserve them.
This is my next role. Wish me luck.

And he had attached a picture of the joker. What a joker, indeed.

@};--

That evening, I got so busy with work that I forgot to nip out for a quick dinner. I only remembered when I started to feel a headache coming on. Uh-oh. Just then, my instant messenger blinked. It was Nino, with a question about work. Sigh. Before I could answer him, though, he said:

Nino:
Do you want a Subway dinner?
Lily:
Sure. How did you know I was hungry?
Nino:
You have my mobile, right? Just text me your order, I need to go now.

Well that was unexpected. I sent off my order for a turkey and cheese on wheat bread with red wine vinaigrette and everything on it except olives. When he came back to the office to give it to me, I asked him how much I owed him. He said it was free of charge because he was refunding it in his expense claim for overtime. The word "touched" cannot even begin to describe the way I felt.

When I told Sophie about this, she said she had seen Nino and Scott together outside the building when she had gone out for a cigarette break. So that's who he was with.

Late that night when I left the office, Nino and Scott were right behind me. We went down in the same elevator. What a great way to end the day.

@};--

The next day, we sought out the far flung Canele for lunch. It started out well. I enjoyed the beef stew with wine and the pasta and we had fun dissecting the numerous layers of the chocolate cake that we ordered for dessert. We were busy laughing at what the waiter had done with the single cup of hot chocolate that we ordered for sharing - he had thoughtfully split it into four small cups for us, isn't that awfully sweet of him? - when I happened to glance outside and saw Nino and Scott. My heart jumped in one moment and went crashing downhill the next. Nino's head was bent close to Scott's; their fingers, intertwined.

I need a half day off.

♫ It's just my imagination running away with me... ♫

The Boy Next Door

2009-10-29T09:17:00.001+08:00

I ignore my immediate surroundings,
Focus to turn down the noise,
Hearing's suddenly sharper,
Trying to catch fragments of voice.

How I wish that I had X-ray vision
So I could see right through the wall
Then I shall behold in the next room
The boy that I'm longing for.

Body may be seated in this classroom
But mind has decided to soar
Grades will probably be doomed
But I love the boy next door.

Tamed

2009-10-27T21:03:00.002+08:00

As twilight nudges day
and makes a crimson puzzle out of the city
I feel not the chill of the biting wind
and ignore the dance of the coruscating gems below.

His solitary figure arrests my gaze.

Within my chest, a stirring –
It is my heart, whispering,
Longing to erase
the tincture of sadness upon his countenance.

My arms stretch to give a comforting embrace
Almost, but don’t quite reach him.

Within my head, a stirring –
It is my brain, whispering,
Pulling my arms back.

He is no longer mine to comfort.

~~~
“You are forever responsible for the ones you tame.”
-The Little Prince

Unbidden

2009-10-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

Eros, you pierced my heart with your arrow,
Perhaps charged by your mom, Aphrodite -
The golden goddess of love and beauty.
Deep inside, these feelings begin to grow,
Sweat freely trickles from my fevered brow;
I've never met anyone such as he,
All I want is for him to be with me,
I pray that he'll never ever go.

Why, Eros? Why hit me with your arrow?
My life has been veered totally off course;
I can't decide whether he's friend or foe.
He granted me joy, yet let my tears flow;
I bid my love goodbye, full of remorse -
Before this, was my life better, or worse?

I Miss You, Love

2009-10-27T20:19:00.000+08:00

You were my second love, I was eleven
I was not that good at loving you at first
But as I spent more and more time with you
I fell in love. Was it a gift or a curse?

I used to lie on my stomach, in bed with you
Miss out on a couple of hours of TV or sleep
What did it matter? You invoked passion in me
I turned to you when I wanted to laugh or weep.

I used to have a lot of time for you
Spend hours upon hours absorbed
I even said I wanted to spend all my time with you
And someday, I’ll be true to my word.

But for now I must turn my attention
To the world that earns me my keep
And so busy I’ve been lately that I’ve no time for you
And when I do have spare time, I’d rather sleep.

You were my second love, Writing.
Reading was my first.
I’m just busy lately but I want you to know
I miss you so much, it hurts.

Keeping Kelly

2009-10-13T14:35:00.004+08:00

She was near tears, I could tell. But she tried her best to keep them at bay. Maybe it was because she did not want to ruin the face that her makeup artist had spent hours on perfecting. But it would not have mattered even if she had ruined the makeup. It would not have mattered even if there had been no makeup at all in the first place. She would still have been the most beautiful bride in the world, regardless.

For someone who was such a crybaby, she was really good at holding back. I wish I had her restraint. My own eyes were like the Niagara Falls right now. But how could I help it? No amount of willpower would have won against the power of the beauty that hushed the crowd the moment the wooden doors were thrown open. And as she walked – no, floated – closer towards me, I wondered how I could have been so lucky, to have her in my life for the rest of it. I also wondered how I could ever have not been struck by her beauty from the very beginning.

@}>;--

~Three Years Ago~

I cursed myself for the nth time that morning. I couldn't believe that I was late on my first day at work. When I reached the room the receptionist had pointed out for me, I eased the door open and found seven pairs of eyes looking at me. I didn't know which emotion was stronger – the embarrassment of being stared at by strangers, or the relief that at least it didn't look like the meeting – or whatever it was that happened on first days at work – had begun yet. I walked towards the end of the table they occupied and pulled myself into a chair. I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose and looked up to find seven pairs of expectant eyes on me.

"Hi I'm Nicholas," said the big guy at the other end.

"Gerry," I replied, introducing myself by nickname. Everyone down the line followed suit. I nodded at each of them, trying to remember all of their names, something I was very bad at. Lennie, Benedict, Bree, Angel, Tina, Kelly. I wondered which among them I would click with. Nicholas looked old, like he was a family man. Our age and priorities would probably drive a gap between us. Lennie looked strict, like she could bite my head off if I said something wrong. Benedict, I was almost sure was gay. Nothing in common there. Bree was way too friendly and loud. I didn't like her. Angel was a simple beauty whose name fitted her. She was probably a bore, as most goody-two-shoes are. Tina had just gotten married. Kelly was a mestiza who wore a lot of makeup. She was probably not only vain, but bitchy as well. Great. It looked as though I wasn't gonna have any close friends in this group.

@}>;--

A week later, I clutched my stomach as I leaned over the cafeteria table. It was lunch time and my stomach hurt – from too much laughing. Had it only been a week that I had known these people? It felt as though I had known them forever. Save for that first few hours on that first day, there was no awkward moment at all. We instantly clicked and connected, like pieces of a magnetic puzzle, if there was such a thing.

Nicholas wasn't a dad and wasn't even a husband – far from being one, from the way he kept inviting us to go out and have a night life. I was right about Lennie being strict, but she was also sweet. She was a lot older than she looked, but she acted her age when it came to taking care of us. Benedict was indeed gay, but he (or she) was not noisy to the point of embarrassment. Bree's jokes were what cracked everyone up over lunch and bonded us. Angel was not as "nice" as I initially thought her to be, which was refreshing, because nobody likes a saint. Tina, who was pregnant and initially denied it because she got scared that the company would not hire her if that were the case, did not act like your average Stepford wife at all. She was as funny and loud as Bree, though her jokes were more inclined to be green. Kelly was the unica hija of a rich couple who had every right to act like a spoiled brat, but she was very nice and down to earth. Right now her voice boomed loud, like a man's. Strangely, it was not a turn off, as it would have been if it had been any other girl. This one imperfection made her seem more real, more reachable.

“Kulas!” she yelled in that voice as were walking back to our office.

“My nickname is not Kulas, it’s Nick,” Nicholas argued.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kulas fits you better,” Kelly insisted. We all laughed and started yelling Kulas. I knew then that he was going to be stuck with that nickname.

“Kulas, when was the last time you washed that vest?” Kelly went on, referring to the black wool vest that Nicholas had been wearing for an entire week now.

“I like this vest,” Nicholas said defensively. “It keeps me warm.”

“I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with the vest,” Kelly explained. “Just…wash it once in a while, you know? And while you’re at that, maybe you can wear a watch that’s not too tight.” We all cracked up at poor Nicholas’s expense.

“Just kidding, Kulas!” Kelly apologized, hugging him. Then she looked around at all of us and said, “But you know what, guys? I’m so happy when I’m with you. We do so many things when we're together. I didn’t have friends like these in my previous company.”

My sentiments exactly.

"Well, tomorrow we’re gonna have so much fun doing something again. I talked to someone from HR and he said that he has assigned all of us to the same villa," Lennie said. Tomorrow we were joining the company team building, an overnight event to be held in Subic. Looks like we were hired just in time for this. Could we get any luckier?

@}>;--

The next day, my new friends lounged on our beachfront villa's porch deck and on the sand. I grabbed my camera and walked closer to the shore, trying to capture the magnificence of the view before me – a hazy magenta ball dipping into a rippling bowl of saltwater soup. When I figured out the best settings, I turned to another direction to take more shots. It was then that I took my best shot of the day – a woman with her back to me, her hair blown backwards by the breeze, looking towards the rocks jutting out of the ocean. Kelly.

I walked in her direction.

"Hey," she smiled when she saw me approaching.

"Look, a perfect shot," I said, gesturing towards the picture I had taken of her.

"Wow," she said, when she saw what I had done. Strangely, I felt warmed by her approval. I don't know how many hours we spent standing on that shore, my camera dangling from my wrist, forgotten, as we talked about all topics under the sun, or should I say moon, because this was at night. Our conversation only got broken by Bree's shrieking. Kelly started in their direction, and I was slightly annoyed at the interruption. Yet another strange feeling.

"What's going on?" Kelly asked, when we had reached the others.

"We just saw this really cute guy, and his villa is right next to ours!" Bree explained, gesticulating towards the other villa.

"And you thought it would be prudent to create this much noise so that he'd be aware of this fact?" I asked, not able to mask the sarcastic tone.

"No, they left, but when they come back, we had better be prepared," she replied, motioning for us to take our seats. My initial reaction was to say no, I'd rather go back to the shore, but Kelly had taken her up on her offer and was making herself comfortable next to Bree, and there was an empty seat beside her. I could still see the same view and feel the same breeze from here, I rationalized to myself as I filled up that seat.

We ended up talking till dawn. I suppose a bunch of people who had known each other for only a week would find plenty of stuff to talk about. Someone had asked the question, 'what was the most romantic thing anyone ever did for you?' Now it was Kelly's turn, and I was curious as to what she would contribute. She was sure to say something interesting. I can imagine that a guy would pull all the stops for a girl like her.

"Once there was this guy who did something really romantic for me," she began. "He picked me up in his car and we drove to his office because he said we needed to pick something up. When we got there, he asked me to get something from the trunk for him. When I opened it, balloons floated out, and there was a bouquet of flowers inside. When we got upstairs to his office, it was dark, and when he flipped the lights on, I saw that some space had been cleared for a cozy table with dinner for two. After we had eaten and he was bringing me home, we passed by the longest bridge in our place, which had been decorated with balloons tied to all the posts. Then we stopped in the middle and got out. There was a love letter tied to the balloon on the largest post."
All stops pulled. As expected.

"Awww that's so romantic!" Angel gushed. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Well actually, he never became my boyfriend," Kelly admitted somewhat sheepishly.

"Huh? Why? Wasn't that enough?" Angel wondered.

"There just wasn't any spark," Kelly shrugged. At that moment, her gaze flickered briefly to meet mine, and I felt an involuntary shiver.

It was Bree again who interrupted my moment."OMG! OMG! They're back! That's him!" she hissed, the last line meant for Kelly and me. I looked in the direction she was pointing.

"For a guy like him, I'd pull out all the stops," Kelly murmured. The sparkle in her eyes could only mean one thing. The pang I felt upon seeing that, though, what did it mean?

"His name is Ivan," I said, enjoying the play of expressions on their faces when I said that. "He's in my department."

"Wow! So have you talked to him? What's he like?" Bree asked.

"Once, just the perfunctory 'hi' and 'where did you work before?' He does not seem to be the friendly talkative type," I surmised.

"Yeah, he does seem to be suplado," Kelly observed.

"But that adds to his appeal," Angel pointed out. Everyone was quick to nod their assent.

"Well, the object of our affections has disappeared from sight, so I guess there's no point in hanging out here," Lennie announced. "Let's get some sleep, guys." We all followed her lead into the villa and crammed ourselves into one of the two rooms, pushing the two queen-size beds together so that everyone would have room to sleep on. The air conditioning turned the room freezing, and the blankets were not big enough to cover everyone from top to bottom, so we had to sleep sidewaysa and huddled. Kelly was at my back, and she hugged me from behind, to get warmth. It was noisy (Nicholas snored so loudly) and crowded (Nicholas’s big belly took up way too much space) and could easily have been the worst night of my life, but I felt very comfortable in that heap and for the first time in who knows how long, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

@}>;--

It was Monday, and we were having our usual group chat on Sametime, our company’s internal chat. “Hey guys, I’ve uploaded the pics. It’s in the shared drive inside the ‘friendz’ folder,” I typed.

“OMG he is so cute!” Bree commented after a minute.

“We’re a match, aren’t we?” Kelly said.

“Gerry, were you taking a picture of Ivan or Kelly? Her half face took up more space in this picture!” Benedict pointed out.

They were referring to the stolen shot I took of Ivan the day after the overnight. We had packed our bags and were walking towards the ferry when we had caught sight of Ivan. They wanted to have a picture of him. I did not want him to see me snapping his photo – we were in the same department; how would I ever speak to him again without being embarrassed? So Kelly pretended to pose like she was the one I was taking a picture of, when in reality, I was taking a picture of the guy behind her. I still ended up taking a picture of her, though. How could I not?

“Quick, let’s make this our desktop background!” Bree joked. They could do that for real, for all I care. I already had a new desktop background, one of the pics from the overnight too – the picture of Kelly looking out to the ocean.

“I already uploaded some of the pictures on my Friendster,” Kelly announced.

I was pleasantly surprised when I found that my new desktop background was now Kelly’s new primary picture. I remembered the day we added each other up on Friendster; it was our second day in the company. The first thing I noted was her status – in a relationship. What did I expect? Of course a girl that pretty would be. Today the status still remained the same. As if I expected anything to have changed so soon. Still, she had replaced her former primary picture – a photo of her and her boyfriend while they were in Baguio. Did that mean anything?

@}>;--

~Four Months Later~

“Happy monthsary!” Kelly greeted, throwing her arms around me. I returned her greeting and her hug.

“Hey, happy monthsary!” I said again when I saw Lennie and Bree approaching. It was the fourth month to the day since we had been hired. We always greeted each other on the 16th of the month. It just so happened that there was also a company party today, and we had just arrived at the venue, and we were lining up to get registered and pick our door prizes.

“You know, I’m always unlucky when it comes to raffle prizes,” Kelly complained.

“Me too! We probably won’t win the nice prizes, like the bean bags…or tummy trimmers… or Adidas caps,” I sighed as I looked at the objects I coveted. Kelly made a face when she saw someone win a pair of all-purpose kitchen scissors. “I’ll bet I’d get that,” I said. Sure enough, I did. Kelly won a yoga mat, and she was happy. Lennie and Bree got a casserole dish and a thermos, respectively. “Now we can go on a camping trip,” Bree joked, and we all laughed.

We were early, so we were able to grab an empty table for our group. After an hour of holding on to the table and shaking our heads at people who wanted to share it with us, I was slightly annoyed when I found out that some of our friends were not joining us after all. Nicholas, Angel, Benedict and Tina were part of the group chosen to represent our business unit in the company-wide contest and they had decided to sit with their fellow presentors at another table. Right before the program started, some guys from my department arrived and asked me if they could share our table with us. Since we had half an empty table, I agreed. I knew sharing wouldn’t be an issue with my friends either, since it meant they’d be sitting across the table from Ivan. Kelly pinched me.

I introduced my departmentmates to my batchmates, and made a mental note to remind them all later that they owe me big time. “I know I said how unlucky I am, but now I know how wrong I was! I am lucky!” Kelly whispered to me excitedly. I was happy that she was happy, but at the same time sad. Weird.

“So you and Marlon have really broken up?” Bree asked Kelly. I knew that this was a fresh topic that needed exploring, but did she really need to discuss this now? Infront of other people? Then I saw the sparkle in her eyes and realized that she was doing this on purpose. For Kelly’s sake.

“Yes, we really have,” Kelly replied.

“Why?” Lennie’s follow up question.

“The spark’s gone,” Kelly shrugged.

Just then, Winston tapped me on my shoulder and asked to talk to me. We moved away from our table. “We need some girls to ‘model’ for our presentation,” he explained to me. I wondered why this had anything to do with me. “Kulas told me that you’re Kelly’s closest friend and that you can talk her into doing this.” Ah. I walked back to the table after saying that I would give it a shot. Kelly was a knockout, but for some reason, she lacked confidence in facing the audience. As expected, she was adamant about not doing it at first.

“Kel, they need you,” I begged her, smoothing my hands over her hair to soothe her. “No one else can pull it off. Please?” After a while, she finally believed me and agreed. So she went backstage to get some instructions. My heart drummed loudly while I waited for her piece. I felt very proud that I was best friends with the most beautiful girl in our business unit, and I couldn’t wait for everyone else to discover her. I readied my camera to document this milestone of her life, and saw, to my dismay, that its battery was low. No!! I looked around, and my eyes landed on the camera on Ivan’s lap. I hatched a plan.

“Ivan, can I ask a favor?” I pleaded. “My cam’s bat is empty, but I need to take a picture of Kelly’s modeling debut. Could you please take her picture for me?”

It seemed as though Ivan’s eyes had lit up, but I wondered if that had been my imagination. “Of course, no problem,” he said, just before the emcee announced the entrance of the “shampoo models.” The spotlight shone on three pretty girls walking onstage like they were ramp models. Kelly was in the middle. She was smiling, but I could see the tension in her eyes. I started yelling “Go Kelly!” and clapping really hard, willing her anxiety to disappear. Ivan broke my concentration when he came to me and showed me his camera, asking me if his takes were okay. Most were off-focus shots of the entire stage. I cringed inwardly. “Can I borrow this for a while?” I asked. He agreed, so I grabbed the cam, worked on the zoom, and took a solo shot of Kelly during her last seconds onstage, her smile finally genuine, nervousness gone from her eyes.

“Dude, thanks, I owe you,” I told Ivan when I handed back his camera, just as Kelly made her way back to the table, her cheeks flaming. “You were great, Kel,” I assured her, taking her hands, which were very cold. She looked like she didn’t want to believe me, or talk about that ordeal. How could I convince her that she did all right? Then I realized that it wasn’t up to me.

“Ivan took pics, if you don’t believe me,” I said loudly enough for everyone in the table to hear. Luckily, Ivan did what I had in mind.

“Yes Kelly, you were very wonderful up there,” he confirmed.

“And you’ll send her the pics so she can see for herself, right, dude?” I added.

“Of course. I’ll send it first thing tomorrow,” he replied, to her rather than to me.

I felt Kelly pinch me again, and I didn’t have to look at her to know that my plan had worked more perfectly than I dared to dream. Her anxiety was gone and she was happy partly because of something that I did. I am happy that she is. Really. The pinpricks of pain in my heart have nothing to do with her at all. I just need to get myself checked out at the clinic, maybe.

@}>;--

The next day, everyone was talking excitedly during lunch in the cafeteria, but none more excitedly than Kelly.

“So he emailed me this morning like he said he would, and there were like 6 pictures,” she was saying. “He said, ‘Hi Kel, here are the pics, like I promised. Even if I’m a lousy photographer, you still look great. Hope you believe what I said last night by now.’ Smiley!”

“OMG a smiley!” Bree thrilled.

“And he called me ‘Kel’! Like we’re close!” Kelly’s smile could probably be seen from all the way across the room. It’s a good thing Ivan was too much of a hot shot to have lunch in the cafeteria.

“My favorite shot was the solo pic,” she went on. “He took a picture with only me in it!”

“That was a shot only a guy who likes you could have taken,” Bree contributed.

That was the shot that I took. Of course, they didn’t need to know that. I just hope Ivan keeps this between him and me.

“So what did you reply to him?” Angel asked Kelly. I knew the answer, of course. Kelly runs all important decisions by me before executing them. I let her recount the story for the others’ sake. “I said, ‘Thanks so much for the pics. It’s not true that you’re a lousy photographer at all, they’re great. Don’t worry, when I become a popular model someday, I will say that I owe it all to the first photographer who captured my essence.”

“Wow, what a reply. No wonder he stopped emailing and started chatting to you on Sametime!” Angel reacted. Of course I knew about the Sametime messages too. I was too well informed for my own good. The conversation had gone like this:

Ivan: You’d really say that?
Kelly: Of course I would. Why not?
Ivan: I’ll bet you’d forget about me and won’t give me the time of day when you’re popular already.
Kelly: What? Of course not!
Ivan: I don’t believe you. I can’t take that risk.
Kelly: What do you mean?
Ivan: I can’t risk waiting for the day to come when you won’t want to talk to me anymore. So I’ll talk to you as much as I can now.

Ivan was way too smooth for my own good too.

@}>;--

~Another four months later~

“Why didn’t you invite your boyfriend to come with us?” Benedict asked Kelly in between shots of Amarula. It was past midnight, and we had just finished playing charades. We were having an overnight in a resort in my hometown.

“Who?” Kelly demanded.

“Ivan, who else?” Benedict replied, fluffing the hair at the back of his head with his hand. “Would have been nice to have a cute face around. Sorry, Kulas.” He giggled.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Kelly said frostily.

“Still? Why don’t you agree to be his girlfriend?” Benedict asked.

“The question is, is he courting me?” Kelly exclaimed.

“Well, what do you call what he’s doing, then?” Benedict retorted.

“That’s the question, exactly!” Kelly said in exasperation. “He’s so damn inconsistent! Remember that time he asked me out for the first time and I was so excited about it? I spent the entire day choosing which dress to wear and which perfume to use. Then, one hour before our date, he called me up to cancel. That was so frustrating.”

“But you went out with him after that, right?” Lennie observed.

“Yes, a few times, but sometimes we were with common friends,” Kelly replied. “But our ‘dates’ are so few and far between. And he rarely texts me, especially when he goes back home to his hometown some weekends. It’s like, he only ever remembers me when he sees me. It’s such agony to wait around for his texts or calls. Oftentimes I think that I hear my phone ringing, but when I check my cell phone, it’s not.”

“But didn’t you guys kiss?” Angel put in.

“Argh. Yes! It was around Christmas and we had dinner somewhere, and he even lay down on my lap and then when he brought me home he kissed me on the lips.”

“How did it feel?” Bree asked.

“I got freaked out because I felt nothing. No sparks at all. I was like, OMG, all this time I’ve imagined what it’s like to kiss this guy and that was it?”

“So that’s it then. Didn’t you say that spark was your number one requirement in a boyfriend?” asked Lennie.

“Wait, there’s more. Some time after that we went out again and this time we had wine back at my house after dinner. He kissed me again, and there weren’t just sparks, there were fireworks. After he kissed me, he told me that he’s been waiting a long time to do that.”

“Last time I checked, something like that means the guy definitely likes you,” Benedict commented.

“Yeah, doesn’t it? And then a common friend of ours told me that he told her that he fell in love with me that night,” Kelly said sadly. “But if that’s true…how come he doesn’t show it?”

“Have you ever tried texting him first?” Bree asked.

“Of course not! Why should I?” Kelly replied, aghast.

“I don’t know, to show you’re interested too?” Bree asked.

“Is that really necessary? I’ve never had to do that with any of my boyfriends ever,” Kelly said indignantly. Of course not. She was not the kind of girl who had to. Like I thought that first overnight I spent with her, she was the kind of girl a guy would pull out all stops for. It was either Ivan was just plain stupid or – there was no OR, just a period. Ivan was just plain stupid, whether he loved Kelly but did not want to give everything she deserved in order to keep her or if he was not in love with her, because honestly, there was no other word to describe a person who did not realize the worth of a girl who had everything you could ever ask for - beauty, brains, sense of humor, flair for fashion, sense of adventure, and most importantly, a beautiful heart.

At that moment, in my inebriated state, I realized something. I too had been stupid, but in a different way. I was in love with Kelly. I just didn’t know it until then.

@}>;--

~Two Weeks Later~

Dear Gerry,
First of all, I miss you so much. I just feel the need to tell you that.
If there's anything I can be truly thankful for by working in this company, that would be meeting you. You have been such a good friend to me Gerry. If there's someone who should be credited for this friendship that we have, that would be you. You are the foundation of whatever we have now. You were always a good listener and a good consoler. Sometimes I feel ashamed because I feel that when you’re the one who has a problem, I’m not as good as you in listening and consoling but I still try my best because I love you. You reap what you sow, right.
So I hope you’ll give me the chance to help you now with whatever problem it is you’re going through right now. I don’t understand why you’ve been staying away from us. It can’t be because you’ve just been too busy with work. That has never stopped you before, so it must be an excuse. Did I do something wrong? Whatever it is, I will right it. Please…just talk to me.
I’ve never told you this, but I’ve always felt truly blessed because I knew that whatever happened, I can be sure that I'd always have you. I still have you, right?
~Kelly

I stared at Kelly’s email on my screen and tried to blink back my tears. I didn’t want to hurt her. But how could I explain that what I was doing was because of her, but not because of what she did? It wasn’t her fault that I had fallen in love with her, not her fault that each second I would spend with her now would torture me, because I know that she could never love me the way I loved her. As the character Mark said in my favorite movie, Love Actually, “It’s a self-preservation thing, you see.”

I shutdown my computer, gathered my things, and walked outside hurriedly, praying that I wouldn’t run into any of my friends. In my haste, I nearly crashed into someone in our department – it was Ivan.

“Where’s the fire?” he quipped. Then he walked with me towards the elevator. As we stood there on the elevator landing and stood staring at each other, I remembered my epiphany in my Amarula-induced state and realized that I had neglected one of my insights then.

I was stupid if I let her go. I knew exactly what I had to do.

@}>;--

~The Present~

One step away from the front, Kelly looked at me and smiled. She didn't need to say a word for me to understand what she was trying to tell me. I knew her too well. So much love and gratefulness in those eyes. I held them for a second too long before Ivan took her by the hand, and she shifted her gaze from me to her groom.

As I held my place in the front row and watched the blissful couple-to-be, my mind went back to two years ago in that fateful elevator scene.

“Hey, are you in a hurry to go somewhere, or could you spare a few minutes?” I had asked Ivan then.

“Not really, I was just gonna go grab a bite to eat somewhere then head home and crash, why?” Ivan had replied.

“Is it all right if I join you for dinner, then? I just need to talk to you about something,” I had replied.

He agreed, so we parked ourselves in a fastfood booth and once we were digging into our food, I asked him, “Do you love Kelly?” He was probably shocked by the blunt question, but I didn’t have time to beat around the bush.

“Yes, I think I do,” Ivan replied after a few seconds of thoughtful silence.

“Then why aren’t you courting her?” I demanded.

“Well I want to, actually I thought I was, but she hasn’t been responsive to my moves so I thought she wasn’t interested,” Ivan responded.

“You’re an idiot. Kelly is the kind of girl who is used to being wooed, and she is the kind of girl who actually deserves it. So if you want her, and man, I’m telling you, you’re the world’s stupidest guy if you don’t, then you actually gotta do something about it. I know a guy like you is used to girls falling all over for him and who never had to make any effort before, but she’s not just any other girl. Wouldn’t you want to keep her? I know I would,” I probably said my speech a bit more passionately than I should have.

“Wow. You’re – you’re so right,” was Ivan’s mesmerized response.

The next day, he sent flowers to Kelly.

The next month, they were officially a couple.

The year after that, I was having dinner with Kelly to celebrate the monthsary of our friendship. In the middle of dessert, she said, “I have something to ask you.” Then she took out a velvet box, opened it, and showed a diamond ring inside.

I felt my heart stop for three seconds.

“Will you be my maid of honor?” she finally asked.

I took a deep breath, shook my head, and said, “on one condition.”

“Name it,” she said.

“That you won’t use my real name on the invitations.” I said, seriously.

“Yes, I promise! They will say ‘Gerry’ and not 'Gertrude,'” she replied, laughing and clearly relieved. I wonder if she had even the tiniest inkling?

“Then it would be my honor,” I said, giving her a hug and congratulating her. And I meant it.

That day on the elevator, when I’d had that epiphany, I had decided that I was not going to be stupid. I was going to keep her.

Lovers – they come and go and could get written off from people’s lives like Marlon had been replaced by Ivan. But friends – they are forever. I did not want to get written off. I was keeping her for the rest of my life.

And if she was happy, then so was I.

-----

Written in October 2008 as a birthday gift for my friend Kes, on whom Kelly's character is based on.

Release

2009-10-13T13:16:00.002+08:00

Grey stared at the pensive faces of his Accounting freshmen students as they sat hunched over their desks covered with worksheets, questionnaires, calculators and rulers. The periodic sound of calculators and ballpens clattering on the bare concrete floor broke the heavy silence that hung in the air.

As he continued to stare at the sweat pouring off his students' furrowed brows, a sense of sadness swept over him. How many of these youngsters were Grey in the making? How many of them were feeling trapped in a path they had not chosen and would later live to regret? How many had given up their dreams because they were too timid to stand up and fight for their right to choose, to live?

His gaze soon settled on the face of a girl in the back row. This was not the first time this happened. Her face always seemed to act like a magnet and draw his eyes to it. It was not that he was attracted to her, but rather, the attraction was for the one she resembled, a girl of his happier past.

Until now, he still couldn't get over how closely their features matched. They had the same heart-shaped face with high cheekbones, chinky eyes framed by long straight lashes, and thin lips accentuated by a tiny dimple on the left corner when they laughed, which they both did often.

Sometimes, he'd imagine that he was in a time machine and had been whisked back to the past, to a time when he had drowned himself in the depths of her eyes and lost himself in the music of her laughter...

The shrill sound of his cellphone startled him out of his reverie. He rushed out of the room so as not to disturb the concentration of his students. He yanked the phone out of his pocket and checked the caller ID. It was Raystler, his co-teacher. Now what could possibly be so urgent that he couldn't wait to talk to him in person?

"Ray, you know I'm in the middle of a class," he said after the caller's hello. "I'm in the middle of a quiz, for that matter. Why'd you call? In half an hour I'd be down there and you'll soon be able to tell me whatever it is you think I should know in person."

"Well this news can't wait. I'm sure you'll want to know as soon as possible. Meaning, now."

"Well, cut the crap and tell me already. The suspense is killing me."

"Remember that article you entered in that contest?"

"The one for the Philippine Post? What about it?

"You won, Grey. You get to be the Post's newest writer."

Grey nearly dropped the phone in his shock. "You're kidding."

"I'm not. So get down here as soon as you can and go through that fat congratulatory parcel that they sent you."

Three months ago, he had found himself in Manila, and by some quirky twist of fate, he was just in time to join the contest held by the Philippine Post that offered a writing job to the one who came up with the best article. It was Raystler who had convinced him that there was no harm in trying, that there weren't any rules saying that CPAs couldn't be journalists too. So he had joined just for the fun of it.

Did he actually win? He still couldn't believe it. But so what? He could not accept that job. He already had two jobs. He had a job as an accountant in a Government office and as a sideline, he taught Accounting subjects at his old alma mater. He couldn't shift from journalizing to journalism in an instant. He already led a stable life. There was no reason why he would want to leave for Manila and wreck the orderliness of his life.

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks. The face of a girl with high cheekbones and chinky eyes appeared in his psyche.

"Clarisse," he breathed into the empty hallway.

@}>;--

"Oh it's you, son," his father greeted upon catching sight of his figure in the living room. "You're just in time to join us for dinner."

Grey put away his briefcase and approached the dining room table. He had looked forward to being home at last, until he remembered that he still had several books to balance and a load of test papers to check. He sighed in frustration. This weary day was far from over. A long night lay ahead of him.

How many nights had he spent over steaming cups of coffee and a table crammed full of unsightly papers? Ever since he stepped into College, he had never gotten a good night's sleep, which he would have been fine with, if he actually liked what he was spending his nights on.

A flash of white sticking out of his pocket caught his eye. He whisked the Post's letter out and looked at it. He realized that there was still a chance for all these to change. His life did not have to be an endless string of meaningless overworked days. He could still have a shot at happiness.

"Guess what?" he began, helping himself to a generous helping of sauteed string beans and squash.

"What? A UFO landed in front of you and the hostile aliens informed you that they were going to take over our planet so we had better evacuate to Mars at the soonest possible instant or else we'd be toasted to a crisp by their radioactive gun?"his youngest sister Samantha put in.

"No, silly. It's good news," He replied, grinning affectionately.

"No news is good news, you know," his other sister Diane said from the other side of the table.

"Kids, let your brother tell us his good news," his mother ordered.

He waited for his family to pipe down before taking a deep breath and announcing, "When I was in Manila three months ago, I joined this contest held by the Philippine Post."

"What kind of contest was it, Kuya?" Diane interrupted.

"A feature writing contest," he replied.

"How come you never mentioned this before, son?" his father asked.

Grey looked down at his plate and pretended to concentrate on mashing his rice, beans and squash into a sticky heap. "Uh... it must have slipped my mind."

"So what about this contest? Did you win?" Samantha said impatiently.

"As a matter of fact, yes I did."

"Congratulations! What's the prize?" Diane said excitedly.

"I won a sum of money," he paused. "And I get to work for the newspaper."

Silence. Then his mother said, "That's nice, dear, too bad you've already got two jobs here. I'm sure they will be disappointed."

"I guess they will give it to someone else. It would be a shame to waste it on someone who won't be able to use it," his father added.

So that was it? They simply assumed that he had decided not to grab that chance, the chance he had been waiting for all his life? They took for granted that what they thought would be what he thought too?

But they were his parents. Of course they knew what was best. He could not leave everything behind just because a once in a lifetime chance to pursue his dreams landed right in front of him. He had already abandoned his dreams seven long years ago when he took up BS Accountancy even though it was against his will.

He had wanted to pursue a course in journalism, so he had applied to a prestigious university in Manila. He had been full of dreams, dreams spun when he was with Clarisse, his best friend, and the only girl he had ever loved. Clarisse was an artist, and she too wanted to attend the same school which he had applied to. So she too turned in her application.

They both passed, and soon their conversations were about College life together in the same school. Of course, he never told her that when he envisioned their future together, he dreamt of so much more than their being schoolmates. He planned to tell her when they got there.

Unfortunately, not all things in life proceed according to plan. When he told his parents about his future plans, they disapproved, saying that he had to be practical. There was no money in his ambition, they said, the money was in where the job opportunities were. So they forced him to take up Accountancy. All his dreams were dashed. He suffered in a course he did not choose and suffered without Clarisse by his side. She left to continue her goal, to finish half of their dreams, and he never found the courage to tell her, even though they still stayed in touch and were still best friends after all these years.

And now, his long dead hopes and dreams were beginning to resurface. Why did he allow them to thrive, only to be trampled upon so cruelly in the end?

@}>;--

Grey maneuvered his trusty stainless owner type jeep into their garage. Then he squeezed his 6-foot frame out of the vehicle and lugged his heavy briefcase after him. He had decided to drive straight home from the office due to a splitting headache. He was sure his students would welcome the break wholeheartedly.

"But Ma, I'd like to take up Psychology. You know it's my dream course," Samantha's voice drifted out of the kitchen. Grey quit rubbing his pounding temple to listen.

"Sam, listen to me. I know Psychology sounds like a great course, but it's not practical. There's no money in it. Why can't you take up Accountancy like your brother, or Computer Science like your sister?" his mother's voice said next.

Grey felt something in him snap. It was enough that his parents had ruined his life. They shouldn't ruin Sam's life too. It was too much. He stormed into the kitchen, oblivious to the fact that his glasses had already slipped down his nose.

"Ma, I've decided to take that job," he said simply.

He watched as her mouth formed an 'o' in amazement. "Is this some kind of joke, Grey?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Have you lost your mind?"

"No. I finally found it. All my life, you have made my decisions for me. I wanted to pursue my dream of becoming a journalist but you said it wasn't practical so I took up Accountancy instead. When I graduated, I wanted to move away so I could be independent but you pulled strings to get me that job in your friend's office so I could stay in Zamboanga. I have been miserable for the past years doing jobs I don't enjoy at all.

I'm twenty five years old. Don't you think I'm capable of making my own decisions? I deserve to have a say in what happens to me. Last time I checked, this was my life."

When he was through with his tirade, the shock in his mother's eyes soon melted into grief. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"You've ruined my life already. Please don't ruin Sam's. Let her be. It's her life, you have no right to control it." With that, he marched out of the house.

@}>;--

"Coffee, tea, or juice?" the flight stewardess asked.

"I'll just have a glass of water, please," was Grey's reply. It was not in the choices, but it was what he wanted.

He smiled and leaned contentedly in his chair. Only a few more minutes and he'd set foot in Manila - and wrap his arms around Clarisse. He still cherished the sweet sound of her gasp during their phone conversation a few days ago.

"And, Clarisse?"

"I know, I know, I'm supposed to meet you at the airport with a huge banner, a marching band, complete with -"

"I love you."

A quick intake of breath. "What?"

He looked out the window and saw an eagle soaring above the clouds. He watched as it headed towards the sun. He smiled.

-----

The first short story I wrote (I think). Written for our English 112 - AA class when I was a College freshman. It's not any good (cringe-worthy, even), but Grey's release is mine in my imagination.

The Tale Behind DeeTales

2009-10-13T01:23:00.001+08:00

When I watched the movie Julie & Julia, I got struck when Julie said, "I'll cook my way through the Julia Child cook book and write a blog about it. I'll probably need a deadline otherwise it will be like everything else I do. Let's face it, I never finish anything." That is sooo me!

In the end, though, she was able to finally finish something. So inspiring, right? What makes it even more inspiring is that it was based on a true story. This is her real life blog.

If she can do it, so can I. I just need to set a deadline, like she did. So here's my goal and my deadline.

The goal: write one short story or script every month.

The deadline: every last day of the month.

Thus, this blog is born. Stay tuned. ;)